6th Entry: Eighteen

When I turned eighteen, I didn't have the party that I wanted to have...

I didn't get to dance with my father and with the man I like...

I didn't get the happiness that I wanted to feel...

But my age stopped when I turned eighteen...

In our country, as a girl, turning eighteen means so much. It's when you turn into a woman. The age when you can do what you want. It's from being a minor to an adult.

Dreaming...

I wanted to spend that day with all of my friends and family members. Wear a beautiful gown in an island of our own. Nobody else was there but us. I wanted to have a ball. Have a masquerade party. Have my eighteen roses...dance with my dad...and lastly to the man I like.

I changed my mind when I realized that it was impossible. Instead, I wanted to run away. Go to the park and buy a box of pizza and a bottle of Coke. I wanted to buy myself a pint of ice cream and a box of cake. I want to be alone and think.

The day before my birthday...I fought with my mom.

She wanted to make a birthday party for me. The first time I will have in almost eleven years. I refused. She would only spend a lot of money and we don't have any during those days. I would only get tired. And the fact that I only have, or consider, a few friends.

Until the morning, we were fighting. I told her to just give me the money and I will enjoy myself. She wouldn't. She said that it would only be once in a lifetime that I would turn eighteen. I was so frustrated. My heart felt heavy all day. This was my honest opinion. I already told her this many times.

To stop all the fuss, I ended up pretending that I enjoyed all the attention. But the truth was, I was tired. I don't feel that happy. Yes a part of me enjoyed it, but I was empty inside. I invited my best friends from school. Two of them went together with our Chemistry teacher. My cousins went too. So I was quite happy.

The night grew older, I had my first real drink in my whole life. I drank alcohol for the first time. With my best friend and a cousin. There were only the three of us and they ended up getting silly and drunk. I was my usual self slowly turning quiet.

I stopped. From that day on...I promised myself that I won't get drunk. Even if I take wine or light alcohol, I promised to not get drunk. I wouldn't. I realized how sad I was. Even if I was glad that my parents thought so much of me...I felt sad. Because that was not the birthday celebration that I wanted. I cried because I wanted to spend my day quiet and solemn. Think of myself...

I only had one chance of celebrating my eighteenth birthday. Maybe that's the reason why my age stopped when I turned eighteen. Until the time that I can celebrate my birthday in a park, alone and eating...I don't think I would be contented. I understand though...I was just sad.

I hope that I would have that chance...

Have you ever had that chance?...

Love,
Mavie