4th Entry: Saying GoodBye to a Fan Fiction

Writing is like life...
You flip the pages, write what you experienced then read it again...
When you finished one...it's hard to say goodbye...



I wrote a fan fiction last year...done it last year and deleted it today.

It was a promise that I will delete this fiction and I did. But it was way overdue. I was supposed to delete it when January entered but I forgot. Maybe it was my mind's way of forgetting things when it's hard.

As I've said, writing is like life to me. It was something that I do not for fame or because I have to. I do it because I wanted to write. I never want to write for something pushed to me. It was natural...I only write what I think. No rules to follow, no plot to follow. Just random.

When i finished something, it was an achievement or more like a child to me. And that fan fiction that I did was my first series. It was like forgetting a twin. It hurts me, but it was supposed to be done or I cannot forgive myself.

Closing my eyes, I pressed enter and it changed everything. Suddenly, that fan fiction seemed like it didn't exist. All drafts were gone, all copies were gone. I even asked my friend to burn the story, if she did it I'm blessed. Then all of a sudden, I felt like the world stopped.

It was like a fiction, the way I felt. Those throbbing pain in my head, probably because of the stress that I've been under in the past few weeks; the feeling of your heart being clenched. *Sigh* It was real...

That story was about Heechul, the first one that I did for him...the main girl was an OC and :Leeteuk was the other love interest. Of course I'm a Teuk biased so it was easier when I write about Teuk. Having him there made it easier for me. I cannot believe that I can capture the eyes of readers in that story. It was also the first time that I connected all the things from the past in reality to a fiction. It was like creating a new side for everything that you see.

It was fun and hard...lots of research to be done. Trying to find a reason why Heechul's view of love is different. Why he seems to be a narcissist... It was a fresh thing to me too. So it was good.

But a promise was a promise...

That particular fan fiction was close to me, yet I have to say goodbye.

It was not something that other people would just understand in a snap. Now I understand...you will really ont know until you've crossed that bridge.

Then again, it was done...I never regret things that I've done. A reason was because, it was the thing that made you who you are...

I was glad that I met that story...I was glad that I bore that story...and I was also happy to say goodbye even if it's hard...

Thank you for those days my child....

My memory of you may be gone...

But I know that you've been a part of my life...

And fan fictions will never be the same again...

Love,
Mavie