2nd Entry: When People Do Not Listen...

I was always the talkative one...

The funny one...

The hyper one...

But people do not listen...

Sometimes even when I am in a crowd, I space out. Yes, I can handle people well but I only see people as a group of bees hovering around me waiting for a chance to sting.

It's not that I hate people...I just don't like the feeling of hearing other people speak. Maybe I am used to hear myself talking...but that's not entirely the case. People get intimidated by me.

It was one of the most painful things. I speak my mind out, and in the process, I hate some people. I always apologize as I speak and tells them that I don't mean to hurt them. My friends understand me. But some people just couldn't take the pressure.

Sometimes I ask myself, "Was I too harsh?". Maybe... but they tell me that I don't really hurt them. I just tell them the things that are true.

Then I ask myself again, "What is true?"

People's view on things are different with the people around them. All of us sees the truth in different ways. See beauty in different ways. Feel happiness with different things. It doesn't mean that if I think it is true, it is.

Then all of sudden...I realized that they do not really listen. They just let the words I say go by then let it go. Listening is realizing...concluding...creating an idea out of what the other person says.

But they stand behind my back and take it. It was like choosing between yes or no...black and white...coffee and milk.

There was the both in yes or no, there was the grey in black and white, there was a coffee with cream in coffee and milk. Having a decision of your own. That's what listening is to me. But then again, it was the truth I see. Maybe your idea of listening was another story.

Standing your own ground yet putting other people's ideas with it. Sometimes I forget to do this too. But the people around me learned how to put their tails down when I talk...and it hurts me more.

There was no sense of thinking, no picking of choice. A person should take his own self as his own property and not a slave of the mouth of others.

"Dad, remember that time..."

Then in the middle of what I'm speaking...he will not listen.

Maybe I really do talk too much. But that was a gift I was given with. It was my greatest gift and my weakness. But I chose to use it as my strength. Maybe I should just smile and agree. I was consoling myself right now because I was ignored again...

It was fine. I think I was just too emotional when nobody listens.

But when nobody was there to hear my thoughts...there was the only One who listens to me and it's my God. The one who gave me my gift...

What is your gift?

Love,
Mavie